Ep. 129: Making Space for Unfurling

In today’s conversation, we’re thinking about the difference between making something happen, and making space to see what happens. We explore the transition journeys we are both on, the messaging that April is receiving from her body and the Divine while she navigates being sick, the need to slow down when in the midst of massive transformation. 

Discussion and reflection questions:

1. What in this episode is new for you? What have you learned and how does it land?
2. What is resonating? What is sticking with you and why?
3. What feels hard? What is challenging or on the edge for you?
4. What feelings and sensations are arising and where in your body do you feel them?

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Transcript

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In today's conversation, we're thinking about the difference between making something happen and making space to see what happens you're listening to the Joyous Justice podcast, a weekly show hosted by April Baskin with Tracie Guy Decker. in a complex world in which systemic oppression conditions us to deny others and our own humanity, let's dedicate ourselves to the pursuit and embodiment of wholeness, love and thriving in the world. And in our own lives. It's time to heal and flourish our way to a more joyously just future. Hi, Tracie. Good morning, April. Hi, friend tuning in. So I was just chatting with Tracie, as we were prepping for this recording. And I was like, let's just kind of recreate what we just discussed, for the listeners, and then take it from there since there's so much alignment between us. And so what I said, at the beginning of the conversation to Tracie is okay, so we shared the announcement of the updates, some of the updates coming about some breaks and departures and shifts happening within the joyous justice ecosystem. And you know, I'm curious to know, and feel free to write back to us or just think, in your own mind, and maybe we'll telepathically receive it. I'm curious how that update is landing. With you. We heard from a few different people through a couple different channels, Tracy and myself and heard back some really thoughtful and supportive responses, which is lovely. And so I suspect, given that my senses overall, our regular listeners, I love you, we love you are a rather thoughtful than committed bunch that hopefully it landed similarly. And also feel free to let us let us know what you're thinking and feeling if you want to, you can send an email to info at Joyce justice.com Or go to Joyce justice.com and click on the contact page and send a message if that's easier. So I was chatting and I was just sort of touching base with Tracy around. Okay, what did we speak about recently? And what aired what episode aired last week. And what do we want to talk about right now. And I turned it over. I have some I had some thoughts. And a lot of it is what's coming to mind. And I can't remember if I mentioned this already or not. But I I'm taking today off. This is the one thing I'm doing today before I spend much of the rest of the day resting, I'm a bit under the weather. And there I'm just in a place of deep reflection and thinking and reevaluation and have different insights that are coming out from that. And some of it I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about so I turned to Tracy and said, Tracy, do you have any ideas of what you might speak about? And and I felt a moment of tension as I did that. And then I in my brain? And I was like no, no, I really I really value our collaboration. Because I was like, as I as I asked you, Tracy, something that was going on in my mind, as you're gearing up as you're sort of starting to share what your thoughts were. I was like, am I my choosing to be fearful right now and not and not say what's on my mind? And I was like, No, but I believe in I believe in collaboration. And then right after I thought that you shared such a poetic idea that's very aligned with some of the things I've been thinking about. And I was like, Oh, this is perfect. So with that, I'd love for you to share the idea that you had and then we'll rip from there. Cool. Thanks, April. Yeah. So when when you asked me if there was anything that I was interested in talking about, the thing that came to mind is, you know, thinking about this break that I'm going to be taking, unlike previous moments of transition in my life, I've always sort of deeply, deeply internalized the idea that, that I was told as a kid right that God helps those who help themselves. And I turned that into a lot of efforting and a lot of hustle and work and about like building the life that I wanted. And right now in this transition that I'm about to embark on for a break from the public facing stuff with you and everything even much less about building and more about kind of making space to see what unfurls so much more of like an organic plant based metaphor for what's happening rather than the kind of architecture role, like, building, like, brick by brick kind of metaphor that I've used in the past, which is not to say, I'm not going to be like, doing anything. There, they're literally, you know, little things and projects and decluttering and writing and things that I that I'm hoping to use my attention for. But I think that actually that focus on that attend that that word attention is part of part of what's different for me this time. So that rather than like, hyper focus on the one thing that I think that I want, I'm gonna be working on things that I think that I want, and also try to be more aware of what else is happening in case there's something that I don't even know that I want. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Thank you. Yeah. unfurl is the word that's like, just keeps coming up, like the way that like a burn. unfurls. Anyway. Yeah. Shrimati was there more you wanted to say about that? I was thinking. Thanks. Fine. Riding your wave. Okay. Yeah. Shrimati. Yeah, and I know, and I feel like, did you? I wrote a couple posts yesterday. I'm guessing you may not have seen them. Since you're taking a little less time on social media. Yeah, I social media is just perfect. Yeah. So one of the ways that I'm trying to reclaim my attention is to spend less of it on social media. Yeah, so I and there's something about me figuring out my pacing with social media, too, though. There's more for me to fine tune in there and figure out so I wrote a post, so I'm glad you'd hadn't seen it, because I can share it with you now in real time. But anyway, so before I get to that, this there's a lot of things I'm thinking about, that I've been contemplating and considering and, and the ways that me being under the weather feels like medicine in and of itself, and a clear message for me right now, you know, I do card readings. And, and a lot of the card readings are both about like, work and commitment and refinement. And also I've been getting very clear messages around like Hermitage and recharging. And it feels like those cars are reflective of to very real but also sort of competing that I need them to coexist needs and experiences in this moment. And it feels like like I almost did it. I mean, I'm surprised given that I've been dealing with insomnia various dynamics for about six weeks now. Like it's been a long time. And so this has been a long time in the making, and I was hoping I could avoid it and to I'm also seeing as I'm navigating it, and the illness is literally like a loving boundary setter. Okay, keep thinking throughout the weekend, like the point at which I got sick is the point at which I was clear that I needed to take a break. And I went on my computer on Shabbat anyway, it started looking at different things and it was like my body was like, that's it. We tried try the subtle ways. You weren't not getting the memo. I had like an a friend who it turns out her kids were sick. I was supposed to be meeting a friend and the friend wasn't there like the universe was like, sign just go late. Like your friend isn't even showing like don't even do just lay down. And I was like, Oh, my friend isn't here. So let me check out this new and I was supposed to go to assigns parents for dinner last night. I haven't seen them in a while. And I was I was like I can't and I really wanted to win a saw and I literally also needed a sign to say like no You could go another time. And so I've just been thinking about a lot of different things. And for almost a month now, I've been really craving ease. And to make a long story short, more ease. And in my life, I really I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it's also constantly a read juggling and recalibration between believing in the beauty of my dreams and taking really big risks. And balancing that by weaving in a lot of ease and self care and an overall having things work out like having a hunger, having a hunger for justice, and equity and wanting to go and wanting to live those truths in my own life and pacing things in a particular way. And, and I've learned over the years to expect a certain rhythm, and I'm around the time where I'm at the four year mark, where things get easier for me, and in the last couple of months, things have not gotten easier. And I've been pushing for four years. And so and and so without getting into all of it, because I want to stay aligned with what you were talking about. But I'm just now realizing I may need to chew, I may need to one ease, May, things are getting hard enough. And there's I'm feeling enough friction in certain ways that it could be that another journey is underway, or that I'm actually close, there's just more but more a little bit more to work through to get to the other side. And I'm not fully sure. And I had a huge, a couple like big release sessions yesterday I did what I would refer to as a purge. Where like, there was a buildup of things that I've been processing all along, but some like, of just like, I just needed, I just needed to write for an hour and like write healing vortex at the top of the page and be like, I'm not this is not I don't want to be in any creation mode I'm putting this into I'm envisioning a spiritual space in which this is entering for healing and transformation, not for creating different I do that, to me, there's kind of like that's implied anytime I do a composting process is a space because I generally like to I want to be communicating and living from what I want to create and also with everyday and historic harm, but it's stuff that needs to be released, right. And so I did like an hour writing process. And I felt a lot better after that meaning I felt like neutral, which felt great. I was feeling it brought me to neutral. And and then I watched a movie with Assad and I want there to be more movies like this. We don't seem to do very well because of the culture today. But I love woman and girl hero movies, we feel like there are not enough of them I like because it feels like my life in different ways. Like whatever their thing is, where they're like choosing to take where they're choosing to do the brave stuff when they're choosing to go into the wilderness. And I watched this we watched this movie about this Ozzy teen who sailed around the world. And I had a one or two full out balling sessions and like a song, like had to mute that he didn't have to do it. But I was just like, like if she's like going into a storm, or does she was stuck in the water, like the wind wasn't coming. And I just like, for like weeks anyway, so I got into some of the muck of it. And we're both earlier in the day and later in the day. And one of my cards that I pulled in one of my readings in my intentional emergence spread is about the work I meant to be doing in community. And I was thinking about that today. And I was like, oh, boy, okay, got it. And one of them was shadow. And that part of what I meant to be doing right now is not extensively I want to keep it because I'm also like I balance as i It feels tricky as I share certain things, because I'm aware that a lot of people don't have the resourcing I have or the knowledge I have about certain things. So when I say that I'm going through a rough time. It both is similar to me and also different from when other people say that like Like to me I'm aware that there's likely fruits like there's light at the end of this, like I'm aware that I'm in the midst of transformation that is moving me toward what I want and that means I need to move through some mucky muck that's keeping me from what I want as opposed to I'm going potentially into a bit that I will never come out of I know that's not the case. So when I got when I actually fell ill, which I've been getting better at not getting sick and like doing different working on the mind body connection and different things. So there's, I could just be upset, but it's I'm not at that level with it anymore. I'm just like, oh, there's metastatic there's something I need to know, here. Things are not in alignment. And there are things like this is a time and also to Oh, yeah, I forgot this, I had this before, like a year or two ago, where I was sick and, and it put me on my back. And it helps me see things that helps me slow down and see things differently than I did in my day to day life, even though I have like writing in different but it gives me additional hours where I would normally be in meetings or collaborating to just be with my thoughts. And also to have more time to build things out. And so for me, the initial thought that I had when I fell ill this weekend was okay, this is really important data for me about my magnificently March challenge that as I'm thinking about my goals for the month that my body is giving me really important data about its limits in terms of what I'm processing, and navigating. And they're still, they're still really important work and transformation I want to facilitate. But basically in different ways, Tracy what I've been coming to, so I haven't wanted to let go of that goal. But I started to release it being around, be achieving that through pushing. And being invited through this colder sinus infection or whatever is happening to that I have other skill sets, I know different ways of working with the Divine and different ways of facilitating spiritual alignment. And it just it felt like, it feels like I'm being guided to do the thing that scarier and not only and obviously, there's multiple things here, as you said to, right, it's not like I'm only going to be in a floating mode. But I feel like the significant sickness is giving me is giving me an invitation and an encouragement and a nudging to lean more deeply into spiritual trust. And to lean more into some of the messages I've been getting, which is things are going to be okay. But it's going to partially be outside of my control. And I need to be receptive and pace things in a particular way. And there's just like, so much I could say here it feels like what I'm navigating right now feel so elemental. For me in some ways, it's different but it feels like some of the most courageous work I've done and that I'm having to confront and or negotiate my biggest dreams and my biggest fears and I have the tools that I need both internally and between connections I have nothing terrifying and deeply humbling and it feels like my current temporary illness is a gift to be saved slow down so the thing that I posted on Facebook yesterday so I've been NAB I've been working through is you don't be like I've been doing lots of different things even as I like thinking through different things reading some books journal like you know, having a crying fast while watching a movie and then getting a talking to from Assad from his like, most low Sufi, and also his business sense. And he did say some things I was like no, that's not helpful. Other things he said as per usual, were very helpful. Like he said, which is interesting to me, because I do believe in an abundance mindset. But he said to me, April, I think I think you can prioritize your business more I think you give too much. And I will do it, you know, it's like you need to first and you just need to first prioritize, you know, like, and I feel like from our business incubator, there was a similar sort of message and there's a way in which I I do think that acting and thinking and embodying abundance is important. And also, it's important for me to think about in this particular moment, especially in a moment of transition, what are my needs that are my needs greater right now? And does that mean I can draw down or I can pull back a bit? Not in the Oval, but in this moment? And yeah, so. So I had similar thoughts and what I posted on Facebook yesterday, before I went to bed was today, I noticed that deep and focused intensive practices can be soothing and more easeful for me. For March, I'm excited to filled, fill a wide, a wide, narrow lined notebook, and do one hour a day of decluttering. And out ad release. There can be comfort, safety and peace and deep practice. So I'm still thinking about what do I want my magnificently messy March configuration to be. And, to your point, there was something in what you said, Tracy, where I've been thinking a lot about a theme that I've been speaking about with a friend and a spiritual guide with whom I've been working recently and exchanging support. And they talk about it, I really love it. And I'm moving more in that direction about the idea of radical and radical as Angela Davis talks about it, as looking at the root of getting to the root of things. And I've been doing a lot of that lately, because for me, and on at the higher levels of different things I'm doing, I actually think things are going pretty well. And so my sense of things around places where I want greater alignment, is going back home to myself. And being really competent, confident that in general, I am operating based on choices that did work for me at a certain time. And I think some of them, I think it's less about the external and more about what do I need to jump right now with who it become? And also just in this season, right, there are different levels of like, what do I need? While in the midst of Sarah departing and you taking a break? What do I need in this period of transition around that? And then there's also ways that I'm growing and shifting in the places where I'm thinking about growing and shifting may lead to external shift, but at its core, it needs to be rooted in a really robust and Mindful self care analysis around what are my needs in this in this moment now. And I felt a lot of pieces, I was thinking through different things and noticing how much decluttering and I use that in a broad sense. We talked about this in some of our programs, it's both about being mindful with my space, my digital life, different things and email. So to your point, how did you say it again, the word that's coming up as alignment, what what was what was your phrasing of it, Tracy? unfurling to see what I'm from ferlay. And for me, I feel really, I feel really aligned with that. And part of what the to the two big things that I had, or the things that came through yesterday is I want to follow my my intuition, my micro intuition, that shows up that I don't actually understand that whenever I noticed, whenever I follow it, good things happen. But it's not like do this thing. Because this thing will happen. It's like, listen to this, and it's a soft voice that if I am not in a mindful place, my brain will just quash it. It'll be like, listen to the song or call this person or open your door. And then I hear that, you know, like, I think I told you this before about if you've been mentioned on the podcast, like what a concrete example is when I was really doing intensive meditation, which I might lean back into, because I'm trying to figure out with the guidance that aligns also with what I'm sensing from my cards about both Hermitage and also engaging in the fool and moving in new ways, which I think what I'm saying actually fits with that. But, you know, I was doing a meditation late at night before I went to bed and about halfway through at about 30 minutes in. It was done for me. And I chose in that moment to just be at peace with it, and then I got a nudge to open my door, which for me normally doesn't make sense as someone who who I increasingly as I can be lacs about it. But if I really want to ensure good sleep, it's really good for me to not to reduce light for a couple hours before I go to bed, you'd have all these different things. And so opening the door would mean, opening the door to my parents Hall, I was visiting my parents, this is during the after my grandma, or during the time and after my grandma was in hospice and paths. And so like, these are all things that based upon how my brain normally how I was operating, and how I think is the best way to, you know, set things up for success. Don't make sense. But I did it anyway, because I just been meditating. So I was more connected. And right as I opened the door, my mom was attending Shabbat services. And like a moment later, the rabbi said, and this Shabbat marks the passing of Livigno basket. Ken and Lynn Baskins mother and mother in law and the grandmother of a and like it, like, and in that moment, my mom had asked me but because I had other things. And I was able to be debt, but like, open the door and be there for the first cottage for my grandmother. And, and it's those sorts of things. And so I'm wanting to, as I'm talking, I'm getting more ideas about it. But I'm wanting to listen to that divine guidance, not because my brain doesn't have ideas, but I'm also I'm tired. I've been pushing for a long time now. And I still have a lot of work I can do. But I need to be really selective. And so. And I've been asking the divine for direction. And so I'm wanting to make room for that guidance, and also engage in clearing so that it's easier for me to do that. Right. So and I noticed I had this realization, which in certain seasons doesn't work for me. But it occurred to me actually, I think it can actually be quite like meditation in action for me to take an hour each day or two, or like to do several hours of really going. Like yesterday, I decided I set a goal. And I didn't hit it, I got up to 15. But I went through 50 I removed 50 I unsubscribed from 15 accounts. And I just set a goal of 50. But it took me about an hour and I did some laundry. And I just did mindful activities. And this I think actually may end up including things that are relating to work. But like taking time and actually working through the knots and certain stuck places in my life and make room for greater clarity, and balance and clear priorities. It seems like you want to say something and I want to hear what you have to say. The other metaphor that's coming up that has been coming up for me is, um, you know, the Kabbalistic story of the creation. And that seemed to that God did the sort of withdrawing to make the space for creation, because in the beginning, all there was was God, that was all there was. And so in order to create God to add to like, kind of pull Godself back a bit to make space for us for creation. Not that nothing that I'm God, but just the idea of needing to kind of pull back in order to make space for what is new. Yeah, that really, really resonated for me when you said that, like there's that quiet voice that just in the right regular day to day your brain will squash. I don't I don't experience the clear kind of direction that you're describing. Or at least I haven't. But it does, I do think that there are things that like, are interesting, or like I like might come up, whether it's like a poem that I would write or a song that I would hear and enjoy. And that would take me on some rabbit hole that in the day to day as you say, the MOT the executive functioning and weight of the to do list would just squash that and not make room for it. Yeah. Yeah. So I love that I feel I always feel I always feel comforted by alignment with kindred spirits. That makes me and I know at times I can't always have that. But it's comforting. And that's also something that's been on my mind and I'm eager for things to change and I think they will and also to, especially with a son's very sort of parental tone that says Loving tone of like he's gotten better about it over the years, you know, because we have this whole dynamic where like, I'm happy because I cry. And he was more present and in times like his eyes start to water but he held space for me it was pretty great. That he gave me a talking to and I was like, Okay, well, if I want to cry more or less, okay, I'm, I'm fine. Now let's keep watching. He's like, this is why I don't like to watch movies like this with you April, because then you cry. And I'm like, No, but it's good that I have was funny wailing. But it was because it was it was a backlog. It was not just what's now recently, it's that I was thinking about yesterday, how when I chose to move to Senegal, when I chose to do different things that fit outside of different people's frameworks. And I think a number of people obviously have gotten on board in different ways and offered support. But I left I've already left a number of safety nets behind a few years ago, and I've done that before. And and then normally I'm I engage in CO creating reality. But again, I'm doing it on a scale, but I was like, I'm also doing it in a way that's much, much bigger and bolder in a variety of ways that I have before. So yeah, so I mean, you know, I'm just in a in a dynamic space. And there's something else I was going to say that I was like, I want to open up that piece too. There's many different threads here that I'm thinking about. But I just like I remembered, like I realized, I think I might and I think because of my ADHD, I still probably shouldn't use it all the time. Because my brain needs novelty as much as I crave and benefit from structure. But I got these notebooks because they're glittery, I had a gold one a few months ago. And after having using a crappy notebook for the last month, I realized I actually really love this notebook and it doesn't have margins. And the lines are slightly thinner, and the quality of the paper is better. And I'm actually able to write more faster. And so it's interesting for me to notice in certain ways, what works really well for me, and that and that it took me longer to fill in that last notebook, even though the lines were wider, and the space was smaller, but I didn't have room to express in the way that I need. That things flow through me and to share bigger ideas. And, you know, I'm remembering what Natalie Goldberg spoke about about you know, like try skywriting some time, like something to think about the space in which you're, you're drawing or doing artwork or, and the ways that it can confine you. And it's not that different, but it kind of is like it's a bit like, you know, it's like a little bit wider than normal a book and it doesn't have margin. So it leads to is the one who writes daily, like quite a different experience and the weight of the pages and, and it feels like safety, it feels like greater ease to me. Right and I just so I just I just find that paradox interesting that something that might seem harder you know, gives me space to contain some of the bigness. And speaking of another thing I was speaking about a moment ago, did you want to say something seems like you might want to say something? I just was gonna punctuate that the role of the environment and all of this. Yes. unfurling is very, very real. Right. Yeah. And according to human design, it's one all these things are important for all of us. And for me as someone who is a pretty open being environment, they say is extremely important. And so, so I appreciate you saying Maxim like, Oh, right. Yeah, like for me, right that like what I'm saying aligns with that, that thing. And then the other piece is, I'm, as I mentioned, I'm revisiting some self care things and I just had a fun experience. I just want to say it's messy. It's not necessarily tidy or and I went through so my old notebooks took me awhile to find it, but I found I'd like to akamba Looking at my notebooks and then also my, like, I remember I did this exercise as a part of a book As part of a reading of a particular book where I listed out different aspects of my life and then rated them. And it was, it was something that I hadn't done before. But I intuitively got it. But it was sort of like, what like, what really what helps you're becoming, it might not even necessarily be something you'd like, but what feels either Iran, it's both like an enjoyment factor and also an alignment factor. And also, it supports who I want to be. So it may or may not be comfortable. So like, I ended up ranking well of high learning well, for learning other languages, even though because of my learning differences, it's very difficult for me, but I've love the ROI of it. I love intercultural competency, being able to connect with people or, like CrossFit was a 10. For me, although I've learned it was specifically CrossFit at this one place in Boston, where they had like, moderated where it was like, I tried it in New York, and I didn't like it as much. So I think it was much more like the way I think people commonly perceive it. But that one at CrossFit Southie. It was just the worst, really challenging, but totally tailored and appropriate, where they set was incremental, and they set really reasonable goals that were still stretch that had different assists, for different things. And, and I went back to that list, I noticed and it took me a while to find it. And I just wanted to share, like, for me, it feels like I feel like it's a theme that we've often spoken about. As I went back through my notebooks. I was like, I think I have a lot of some of the answers I'm seeking in these books. I wrote about them before, but I wasn't somatically or holistically ready for them. But I don't lack idea. So I like went back I started like folding certain pages being like, oh, whoa, that's right. Oh, yeah, I had a whole other business plan. But it didn't. But it felt like terrifying to me in my body. And it's still me, but it was like, as I'm revisiting certain things. I'm just in the space of deep reflection right now. And, and my magnificently messy March challenge my iteration of it, it's seeming like will be a bit different than how I initially thought of it. But because of how I titled it, and how broad I made the conception of it, it still feels super relevant. But I think it might be, for me a lot more about honoring and cultivate, like honoring, cultivating, honoring and making space for the magnificence of like almost like the minutia and the mundane. And being present with the messiness and actually wanting to bring order and mindfulness and presence to that, too. And at times doing some of the risk taking that I was thinking like I'm doing that right now by speaking more openly, in a little bit more of a messy, less tidy way. But speaking what's true for me and trusting that I think it will resonate or at least be interesting. For those who are you know, for him, it's not they can not finish the episode. But just being more holistic. And thinking about, I do want to be stepping into more of who I am becoming and what helps hold that space. And I noticed that what helps hold that space for me is me leaning into more of My Divine guidance, because I'm coming to the leading edge. That's beyond my brain's capacity to hold it. And that was one of my core motives in general, for cultivating it before diving into the mystical part of it was because it was emerging within me and to connect my ancestors. And the other huge primary reason for it was that I was super passionate about social justice. And I was aware I was seeing the limits, because in tight, and I was seeing Su and I was seeing the limits of of social justice work without like a rigorous spiritual or mystical practice to also do it in the sense that like, I think there are solutions out there and I don't know what they are. So I would love to both be as creative and innovative as I can think of and also benefit from a perspective from perspectives that are broader and wiser and more powerful than my own limited human mind thinking. And it basically it's all of that to say I think that's what I'm kind of being guided to right now. And I am open and receptive to it. And my brain is still trying to get on board and I feel calm and peaceful about it. The other thing that I'll say, as we, and then we can start to draw to a close is I've been thinking about something I heard Suze Orman say, on a PBS special whether you're trying to raise money for PBS and offering her program or materials as a fundraiser. It's your this quote that I really loved. And I'm not crazy about quoting her. Not that I think there's anything particularly wrong with her, but she's not exactly something. Yeah. But um, but I loved her saying just the meaning of it, I, the thing is, I like things if I can make them work for me. So it's not that I necessarily love the exact phrasing of it, but that you she said that God permits you turns. And I was reminded of this saying, last night, as as my magnificently March, magnificently messy March, stuff is coming together. And that's just my word, you know, you Tracy, you know, this well, but like, that's just my phrase, for now, you know, it's just the current, the current home or the current spiritual work I'm doing. And that's the label that I've given it to try to summarize some of it. And I'm thinking about that right now with different things around as I as I integrated, the insights that I shared earlier about, about and it's also about filling the notebook, but engaging with this wider notebook, which feels like spiritual and divine intimacy, that it feels like a space where I can go to the depths of some of the things that I've briefly mentioned here, as compared to what's happening in my mind, and it might be doing and just integrating all those different things around decluttering around making space in different ways and hearing a song and really receiving some of the medicine that assign gave me as I was bawling my eyes out. She was great. Also grateful for because it also helped do some sinus clearing was also this well timed, was very stuffy. And thinking about self care and and starting to have a little bit of fear arise as opposed to the terror and broader fear that I have about all these other things that have. But just that thought, like, I think that I think that's going to be helpful for me to remember in the coming days and weeks, around making space, and around wanting to honor what's important to me, and also do some realignment around certain things. And I appreciated that saying, as someone who in general is deeply committed, that that saying is helpful for me to remember, oh, yeah, I change and or more data might come to light and, and I may need to shift and, and it might be permanent, or it might may just be temporary, but I may need to, in order to make the space that I need for what for the transformation, that I have a sense of where it's going, but I also I'm also just going to be wait for these little breadcrumbs and, and signs to be guided where I believe that the Divine is guiding me in service of my dreams of living a meaningful joyous life and being of the greatest service that I can be. And there's not much that I'm not willing, as hard as it might be that I'm not willing to change or adapt in order to be in service of that. Thanks for tuning in. To learn more about joyous justice LLC, our team and how you can get involved with our community. Check out the info in our show notes, or find us at joyous justice.com If you enjoy this episode, show us some love. Subscribe wherever you're listening. Tell your people share what you're learning and how your leadership is evolving. Stay humble, but not too humble. And keep going because the future is ours to co-create it's not too late to join the Magnificently Messy March challenge Join April as she guides you and others through a month of micro movements toward your best life